Review: Resident Evil Extinction

I didn’t want to see this movie.

I was curious about it, and I certainly would have rented it when it came out on DVD, but I had absolutely no intention of paying for a ticket and going to actually see it in a theater.

But… leaving town for a week, had to spend time with the wife, might as well see something remotely interesting, blah, blah, blah.

So me and the wife are sitting there watching Resident Evil: Extinction.
You know what? It was pretty damn good!

For historical purposes, here are my opinions of the first two movies:

Resident Evil – Fucking Awesome.
Resident Evil 2 – Extremely Disappointing. Extremely.

Based on the huge sucking void that was RE2, I didn’t have my hopes up for the third movie of the trilogy, but the creators managed to salvage something out of the wreckage and actually make an entertaining flick. Sure, they had to destroy the world to do it, but hey… who says Mad Max with zombies is a BAD thing?

The setup is this: It’s years(?) after the events of RE2, and zombies have over-run the planet. Mutant freak badass (oh, and what a lovely ass it is!) Alice is on the run by herself, while the other recognizable characters from RE2 (I.E. “The Black Guy” and “The Guy From The Mummy”) are part of a heavily armed convoy of refugees on their way to… well…nowhere, actually. They just have to keep moving because if they stay in one place too long the zombies come sniffing around. Meanwhile, the Evil Corporation ™ that started it all is experimenting on zombies trying to either cure them or domesticate them for slave labor. Hey, doesn’t that sound a bit familiar? Whatever, moving on. Alice (who has developed some handy telekinetic powers between movies) meets up with the convoy at about the same time that the Evil Corporation ™ discovers where everybody she and tries to capture her. Because, apparently, Alice is the Key To Everything(tm). Everybody is trying to kick Everybody Else’s ass, people die, zombies eat, sinister doctor mutates into a rip-off of The Thing, Big Fight with predictable ending that doesn’t really end anything, roll credits.

So, how’d they do? Let’s crunch the numbers:

Zombies: +5 points.
Zombie Dogs: +10 points
Zombie Birds!: +15 points.
Zombie Birds + Flamethrower + Telekinetic Jedi-HawtChick Action! +25 points!

We Have A WINNER!

Or, we WOULD… But every movie is not perfect:

The whole “I’m infected but I’m going to keep it a secret until I turn into a zombie at the WORST possible moment” thing has been done. Over. And over. And over. Again. -10 points, overused cliché.

The evil doctor/mutant angle almost seemed like something they added in at the last minute to extend the movie to full-feature length. I mean, really… the WHOLE MOVIE should have been about that guy. As it is, what would have been the best part of the movie takes place entirely off-screen. Hell, if you’re going to rip off The Thing, fucking rip it ALL THE WAY OFF and fucking SHOW it to us! Instead, we see what happens before and after, but not during. Fuck that, I want it all! -10 points, edited out the best part (assuming it was there in the first place).

The final fight… what would be the “Boss Monster” if this a video game… was so predictable I pretty much knew how it ended several seconds before the fight even started. “Oh, if she’s THERE then that means… yeah… yeah… yep, there they are… and here’s the payoff… done. Roll Credits.” And since the monster is basically making a fucking cameo appearance in this thing, I wasn’t even emotionally involved in the movie’s supposed “climax”. There was some violence on the screen, so I watched it. It was fun, but that’s about it. -10 points, predictable climax that didn’t feel like a climax at all.

And finally, because I am a man and all men are pigs:

T&A is good. Almost-But-Not-Quite T&A is bad. What, is she SHY all of a sudden? -5 points, tease with no payoff.

Add the points up if you want, but they don’t actually mean anything. The Verdict: I liked it. I almost liked it a LOT, but they left left too much to the imagination.

My suggestions:
More flamethrowers, please. Thank you.
The fight in Las Vegas should have been longer… five more minutes of zombie carnage never hurt any movie.
The fight at the end should have been longer. Much longer. And more intense. I’m talking epic Vader vs. Luke telekinetic asskickery here. Too much potential was wasted.
And if that monster was important, fucking SHOW what he’s doing. Don’t show us the supposed “main” monster one time, and then the very next time we see him he’s getting his ass kicked.

In all, I’d say go see it. It won’t be your favorite movie (by a long shot) but it’s better than you think.


2 Comments

  1. nate, October 15, 2007:

    I haven’t seen this one, but I’ll probably do so on DVD.

    I thought the first movie in this series had an excellent plot, but suffered on execution. It was ok, but I was very disappointed. I don’t remember why, maybe I’ll have to go back and watch it again.

    I thought the second movie couldn’t possibly be as bad as the first, and I was right. It was worse! At least the first one had a plot, however poorly executed.

    Still, these are my kind of movie.

    For video game movies, I think Silent Hill is the best one I’ve seen yet.

  2. udgang99, November 3, 2007:

    RE:E was soo bad that I can’t even remember most of it. I felt like I had seen it all before, in the thusand upon thusand of zombie/end of the world-yaya out there. Sure, it had some good parts, but overall it’s one of those movies that are going to be all forgotten about in a very short time.

    And yeah, Silent Hill was kinda awesome … I loved the atsmosphere.

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