Review: The Slaughter

I saw it on the shelf at Blockbuster and I rented it for exactly two reasons:
1) The demon on the cover looked cool.
2) The parental notice on the back said there was nudity.

(Note To Hollywood: Demons + Nudity = Dark Icon Will Rent Your Movie)

The plot synopsis was something I’d seen a hundred times: College kids in an abandoned house unleash and ancient evil that proceeds to chew on them one by one until the credits roll. Literally, I’ve seen that movie like sixteen times this year. I was expecting some low-budget crap with maybe enough boobs and special effects to make it worth the rental fee.

Turns out I was half right. Sort of. Maybe.

I almost didn’t make it past the opening sequence, because what was being shown on the screen was so ridiculously conceived and poorly acted that I was inches away from hitting eject. But dammit, they had boobs. Right there in the opening sequence… POW! There they go! So I let it play.

They had the standard set of characters: the stoner, the slut, the jock, and the geek, plus the “main character” and the “main character’s girlfriend.” There are also two greedy corporate dicks (one of them female) whom you will take an instant and extreme disliking too, as intended by the screenwriters. But it turns out that the jock is a world-class coward and the “main character” isn’t really the main character… the geek is. That’s too bad, because I hated the geek from the first time he opened his mouth. Ooops.

It isn’t long before they discover the Book of Ancient Evil ™ and Somebody Reads a Passage an Accidentally Unleashes Teh Demon(tm). If you’re not taking this movie’s plot too seriously, good, because neither did the screenwriters or the actors. But that’s a GOOD thing, because one of this movie’s few redeeming factors is its humor. There are times when the plot is literally making fun of itself, and it comes off as hilariously funny. On purpose, too! Don’t get me wrong, this movie wasn’t billed as a comedy or a horror satire, but they managed to successfully poke fun at a lot of shit in between bloodlettings. I laughed quite a few times.

And about those bloodlettings. They didn’t spend a lot of money on this thing. The kills ranged from the awesome Basement Kill that you MUST watch twice to the “We Ran Out of Creativity Lets Just Drown the Bitch In The Tub” Attic Kill. The effects in the final “surprise” ending actually managed to be good AND funny AND disturbing all at once, so I’ll give ’em credit for that even though the ending itself was telegraphed a good twenty minutes before-hand. The demon is basically a hot babe in full-body makeup and a kickass mask that runs around screaming a lot. She’s also wearing a bikini that blends in with the body makeup, so it looks like she’s bare-ass naked even though she isn’t.

So, did I like the movie? Umm… I’m not sure.

I enjoyed watching it, and that should be all that matters, but when I sit down and list the things that I liked about it… I don’t really get a whole lot. The list of crap that I didn’t like, however, is a mile long. Here’s what I came up with:

+10: Humor. Honest laughs are hard to come by in a horror movie.
+10: Surprise! Zombies! …only its not a surprise now. Damn.
+5: That damned basement kill!
+5: T&A in abundance.
+1: Cool looking demon.

and then:

-15: Screenwriting sucked. The pacing was so bad that zombies were literally standing around waiting for the victim to be rescued.
-10: Plot borrowed from half a dozen other movies with nothing original added.
-7: The actors were okay, but the characters they played just SUCKED.
-5: Surprise Ending! not.
-5: Demons don’t wear bikinis.
-5: Some shitty effects. Why was that zombie transparent?

Overall, I’d say it was a decent movie but probably not in the way you want it to be. It was funny. If it hadn’t been funny, then it would have been an epic failure. So if you’re in the mood for a few laughs strung together with gore that ranges from “Wow!” to “…um, what?”, then this is your movie.


1 Comments

  1. nate, November 27, 2009:

    I saw a movie with this title, but apparently it wasn’t the same one. The one I saw was from 2009 and had absolutely NO T&A. I found out it was one of the After Dark Horrorfest films. Not really horror though. It was ok overall, but I’d only recommend it if you have nothing else to watch.

    Now I have to track down the 2006 movie titled Slaughter….

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