Well…damn… I really AM evil.

One of my dogs is sick.
I don’t know if its “life-threatening” sick or just “extremely expensive and annoying” sick. I guess we’ll be finding that out pretty soon.

Earlier we took our 12-year old cocker spaniel to the emergency-services vet (basically an emergency room for dogs), who promptly ordered all kinds of test that we can’t afford. We can’t even come close to affording them. We’re not even in the same area code as affording them. So they gave him fluids and drugs and sent us on our way. We’ve got drugs to treat the symptoms of whatever is wrong with him, but we won’t KNOW what’s wrong until the real vet runs their tests… which, of course, will never happen because we can’t afford them. Even if we could before, we certainly can’t now because the drugs and emergency exam weren’t free. Now I have to figure out which of the past-due bills is gonna be late ANOTHER month because the dog needed drugs. More than likely, something is going to get turned off because of this shit, but oh well.

But here’s the thing:

When I noticed the dog was sick this morning, I had to stop and think.

Is this dog going to die?
If so, is he going to die SOON? … so soon that I can pretend not to notice he was sick and just “find him dead” in the morning, thus sparing an expensive-ass trip to the vet?
If he isn’t going to die soon (enough)… is it possible that I can fake an early death? Could I drop him off in the woods tonight and tell the wife he died and that I got rid of the body while she was asleep. But it would be just my luck he’d show up scratching at the door the next morning. He’d do it just to spite me. He’s evil that way.
There is another option, of course. You know what option I’m talking about. So what’s the best way to-

What the FUCK?

Once I actually realized what I was considering, I immediately told the wife the dog was sick and we took him to the emergency vet.

And I’m regretting it. I can’t believe it… but I’m actually regretting it.

Now, having paid out our bill money to comfort a 12 year old dog, part of me is STILL wondering if one of those other courses of action would have been better. Another part of me is calling the first part a cruel, vile, evil, sadistic sonuvabitch… but if I’d listened to the first part of me I’d be a sadistic sonuvabitch with enough money to buy gas and groceries.

And if this dog doesn’t get better on his own, I’m STILL gonna have to put him down which means the money I’ve already spent has been wasted. However, given the history of this particular animal, he’ll probably get better on his own and we’ll be doing this shit all over again in 6 months. I told you he was evil. When discussing things with the wife, she made the comment that we’ll have to pay MORE money to put him down, because “I’m sure they don’t do it for free.”


I just looked at her.

Fuck THAT.


  1. WeREwOLf, February 11, 2008:

    You got guns. You got bullets, I presume, for said guns. Thirty-nine cents for one of those bullets is a hell of a lot cheaper — and faster and more efficient — than paying the vet to do the same damned job.

    Suddenly I’m reminded of the old GnR song “I used to love her, but I had to kill her…” Um, you DO know he was talking about his dog, right?

  2. DarkIcon, February 11, 2008:

    My thoughts exactly. …thoughts that I kept to myself, of course.

    I don’t remember that song, though.

  3. nate, February 11, 2008:

    Been there myself, and I’m no animal lover. I took my dog to the emergency vet too because she was sick. Heck, the damn flies had gotten to her and she had maggots crawling around on her side. I asked the vet to give it to me straight, and he said I could either spend a lot of money or put her down. I chose the latter because I knew that even if she happened to respond to treatment at her age (12 is getting up there for a dog) she wouldn’t be around too many more years. $75 for the emergency vet visit, another $75 for them to put her to sleep. I took her home and buried her above my garden. I don’t ever want another animal.

    I have the tools at home, but I don’t know if I could have done the job myself or not.

    My honest opinion is to ask the vet up front what they think, and tell them to give it to you straight. Nothing lives forever, and there’s no point in putting money into an animal that’s nearing the end of a natural lifespan. Especially if you need that money for bills and groceries. Animals are a nothing but a money pit, and they serve no purpose except for eating.

    Well, I’ve heard of people who have another use for sheep, but that’s another story.

    PS: Please don’t send Eric after me because of my comments.

  4. udgang99, February 11, 2008:

    “Animals are a nothing but a money pit, and they serve no purpose except for eating.”

    … wtf … ???

    Anyway, 12 years IS a lot for a dog (a “dog year” is 7 “human years”, so your dog is like an old man of 84). I say wait some time, and if the animal dosn’t get any better, have it put to sleep. That’s what I would do. And I would have the vet do it, but that’s just because I can’t stand the idea of me killing anything larger than an ant.

  5. Kragon, February 11, 2008:

    Sounds pretty cruel man, but I have to agree with Werewolf. Better to put a bullet in him then have to pay a ton of money that you don’t have or can’t afford. If you are a good shot then it’s quick and painless.

    And it’s a hell of a lot better then letting the damn thing suffer ya know. I mean 12 years is a hell of a long time depending on the type of dog it is.

    But then again. Telling you to do this and actually going out and doing it is two different things. lol.

  6. DarkIcon, February 11, 2008:

    Companionship and entertainment are purposes, but it’s really just a matter of preference. The wife and I both grew up with animals in the house (sounds like we were raised in a barn when I say it that way), so we consider it perfectly normal to feed and care for a useless animal just to have it around.

    ANYWAY, we’re taking udgang’s approach, mostly due to necessity than anything else. The decision was made last night; if what’s already been done doesn’t help him, then he’s gonna have to be put down because we literally don’t have any other option. I’m okay with that… I just really wish we hadn’t spent so much money already. The wife, however, will have a fit. As will the remaining dog. Both of them are very attached to the Evil One. Me, I barely consider Cocker Spaniels to be real dogs.

  7. DarkIcon, February 11, 2008:

    As for doing the deed myself:

    I don’t have a .22. Or a 9mm.

    MY guns will shoot through a garage door and a car windshield regardless of whether there’s a cocker spaniel’s skull in the way or not, so I’m seriously considering NOT using either of them just for safety and/or property damage reasons. That leaves me with less pleasant but safer options.

    Meanwhile, the dog’s condition is unchanged. He’s still the same dog… only slower and weaker. Sad when he tries to jump on you but can’t quite manage to stand on two legs. Too early to tell if he’s getting better, but he’s no worse than yesterday so I guess that’s something.

  8. Kragon, February 11, 2008:

    All in all, the whole situation sucks man. And I am sorry about it. I have two Great Dane’s named Kane and Braxis. (no, I did not name him from The Crusade.) And I don’t know what I would do if I was in the same situation as you. Mostly because I also have a daughter that I would have to deal with.

    I wouldn’t really relish the idea of going up to my daughter and try to explain why daddy had to go out back and put a few slugs into one of her dogs. Or why I went to the vet with him and never came back. But the up side would be at least she is old enough that she would understand…I hope.

    But anyway. Sorry man.

  9. udgang99, February 11, 2008:

    You could always say “the dog had to go live on a big farm, with lots of other animals to play with”!!! ;-)

  10. Kragon, February 11, 2008:

    Ha! Yeah, and with my luck she would look me in the eyes and say “…Bullshit Dad! You shot him didn’t you!” This coming from a 9 year old.

    I guess that’s how you’ll be to if you get baby sat after school by your Irish grandfather… (sighs) Oh well.

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