My previous offer of contract work is still valid. Only now I’m willing to pay double, because my inconsiderate neighbor has added another barking hellspawn to his collection.
So now that’s TWO dogs barking directly into my brain nonstop for hours on end.
You have no idea.
Imagine your job. Imagine you’re at work, doing whatever it is you do, and the two people in the cubicles across from yours start having this conversation at the top of their lungs:
“WHAT UP, BITCH!”
“I DIDN’T HEAR YOU”
“I DIDN’T HEAR YOU EITHER I WAS TOO BUSY TALKING”
“I SAID I WAS TOO BUSY TALKING!”
“YOU MEAN SHOUTING!”
That’s what these dogs are doing. Right now. While I’m typing these words, that shit is going on DIRECTLY across from my window. Right fucking NOW.
Oh, but they’re just DOGS! Barking is what they DO, they can’t help it!
MY dogs don’t do that shit. My house is as quiet as a tomb, because my dogs live in mortal fear of “That Big Motherfucker With the Shoe”. So what’s the deal across the street? And why hasn’t anyone taken the initiative to go over there and stab those barking monstrosities in the face with the sharp end of a cinder block? Are there no go-getters willing to help me out? I’d do it myself, but the neighbors know what I look like, and plus I’d be the FIRST person they’d suspect… seeing as how I’ve got the most to gain should those two animals get accidentally bludgeoned to death with a fire hydrant. So are there any takers? It’s easy work. And the targets are easy to find…
…because they’re STILL FUCKING BARKING!