Archive for January, 2011

11 Jan

Do Not Read

This is the output of a text-generation program that scans text and generates new text based on a statistical analysis of what it scanned. I fed it a few HP Lovecraft stories AND a few of my own. Somewhere in the middle of the output, it spat out this:
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11 Jan

Snowpocalypse III: The End of Days!

As you no doubt know by now, this weekend the entire southeastern US broke loose from the planet and drifted off into space, condemning us all to a slow, dark, cold oblivion. I’m not sure why the internet is still working, but I’ve got WiFi so maybe that has something to do with it.

At my house we only got a few inches of snow, with a nice layer of ice on top of it. Other nearby places got a world-ending 7 inches the other night. I’m sure they’re all dead now.

They day before The Event, the stores were packed with people buying the Southern Staples (Bread, milk, toilet paper and beer). I had to stab an old lady in the kidney for the last two individual-sized cartons of milk on the shelf. I thought we had enough to get by, but I had to open the last 2-liter of Diet Mountain Dew today. When that runs out, I’ll have to do us all before caffeine withdrawal sets in. I don’t want to live through that.

Needless to say, everything is shut down. All seven (yes SEVEN) of the snow plows in the state of Georgia are probably burnt out husks by now. Speaking of burnt-out husks, if you’ve watched any national news you’ve probably seen footage of the poor guy who’s car caught on fire down here. Yes… the snow will SET YOUR CAR ON FIRE! We TOLD you that stuff was deadly, but Northerners and… umm… Everywhere Else-ers call us crazy! But there it is on CNN for the whole world to see: Snow-Induced Spontaneous Combustion! You Have Been Warned! You are next! Where is your God NOW, Athiests! (I mean… wait, whatever, you know what I mean.)

Save yourselves! You’re next!

3 Jan

Still Here

No, not me. You. Hello? Anybody…?

Obviously, I’ve been away. I didn’t actually go anywhere (except to the parents’ house for Christmas), but I needed some time away from… well… everything. Nothing drastic has happened, nobody is dead or in the hospital.

I took some vacation time away from Job#1 and used a lot of that time to put in more hours on Job#2, so that I could afford to have electricity, gas and running water this month. Oh yeah, did I mention the pay cut that kicks in this month? Umm… yeah there is one. Between two jobs, job hunting (for a better Job#1) and the various other things I do on the internet to try and earn a few more cents a month, I’m still behind on just about every bill I’ve got. It’s certainly not as bad as it could be or has been, but it isn’t exactly encouraging either. For the past few weeks, anything that didn’t involve at least the possibility of earning money was on hold. Still is, in fact.

So obviously I haven’t been doing any writing. I haven’t checked this site since my vacation started, and if Werewolf hadn’t emailed me I probably wouldn’t be here now. I’m just letting you know that I’m still around and that I hope to pick up writing again soon. But when writing comes after two jobs, a wife, and a serious commitment to finding another source of income, it doesn’t look good. Even on weekends it doesn’t look good.

So anyway, that’s where things are.