Snowpocalypse III: The End of Days!

As you no doubt know by now, this weekend the entire southeastern US broke loose from the planet and drifted off into space, condemning us all to a slow, dark, cold oblivion. I’m not sure why the internet is still working, but I’ve got WiFi so maybe that has something to do with it.

At my house we only got a few inches of snow, with a nice layer of ice on top of it. Other nearby places got a world-ending 7 inches the other night. I’m sure they’re all dead now.

They day before The Event, the stores were packed with people buying the Southern Staples (Bread, milk, toilet paper and beer). I had to stab an old lady in the kidney for the last two individual-sized cartons of milk on the shelf. I thought we had enough to get by, but I had to open the last 2-liter of Diet Mountain Dew today. When that runs out, I’ll have to do us all before caffeine withdrawal sets in. I don’t want to live through that.

Needless to say, everything is shut down. All seven (yes SEVEN) of the snow plows in the state of Georgia are probably burnt out husks by now. Speaking of burnt-out husks, if you’ve watched any national news you’ve probably seen footage of the poor guy who’s car caught on fire down here. Yes… the snow will SET YOUR CAR ON FIRE! We TOLD you that stuff was deadly, but Northerners and… umm… Everywhere Else-ers call us crazy! But there it is on CNN for the whole world to see: Snow-Induced Spontaneous Combustion! You Have Been Warned! You are next! Where is your God NOW, Athiests! (I mean… wait, whatever, you know what I mean.)

Save yourselves! You’re next!


6 Comments

  1. nate, January 12, 2011:

    That particular system only delivered about 3 inches to my neck of the woods. Not quite enough for me to try out my new snowblower, but I had a pretty fun hour on the small John Deere with the blade this morning.

    Hope you get dug out soon. Good luck to you.

  2. DarkIcon, January 12, 2011:

    What is this “snow-blower” you speak of? We know nothing of such things here.

  3. nate, January 12, 2011:

    he he he.

    After we got hit with 3 major storms last year, including two of them on successive weekends that each dropped in excess of 18 inches, I saved up some money and got me one of these:

    http://www.cubcadet.com/webapp/wcs/stores/servlet/product_10051_14101_1532600_42261_-1_600000_42261

    I got it on sale for $899, and used the “savings” to invest in a set of tire chains for it.

    So far my plan is working perfectly. Spend $900 on a snowblower, another $700 on a generator, and no significant snow or power outages since then. I told me wife that it won’t hurt my feelings a bit if I can sell them in 10 years and honestly adverstise them as “like new”.

    I know this doesn’t help you out at all, but you asked for it.

    Seriously, up here in Maryland we can generally deal with snow pretty well. Down there in Atlanta, it’s got to be a major pain in the rear.

  4. epm, January 13, 2011:

    Here there was a lot of problems due to rain.
    But my city was not hit.
    I am having problems with the heat instead, a very hot summer. Besides a few tropical diseases.

  5. DarkIcon, January 13, 2011:

    I’m curious: What is a “hot summer” in Brazil?

  6. epm, January 18, 2011:

    Actually every single summer is a hot summer here.
    And this summer is not so bad, temperatures around 35 Celcius instead of the 45 Celcius that will certainly happen soon.
    The rain led to more than 600 deaths in the mountains west of Rio, a place where people usually go to escape the heat.

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