Another winter storm is coming. This one might actually be bad. Atlanta natives are determined not to be caught slipping (literally) again. The weather-drama has achieved epic levels.
This is pretty much the general consensus among my fellow Atlanta natives at this point:
This is a direct copy/paste from an email I wrote describing what happened in Atlanta over the last few days. Somebody said you guys might enjoy it. Note that, like most of my rants, it is profanity ENHANCED for your enjoyment. Here goes:
I’ve been stuck in this house since Tuesday morning, but it’s not a big deal because the lights are on, I can still do my job, and I don’t like going outside anyway. Kinda like a working vacation… until I turn on the goddam news.
It’s a well-known and expected fact that southerners can’t handle winter weather. I expect shenanigans and rednecks sliding all over the interstate like a monster truck ballet. Everybody knows this and, as a result, at the slightest mention of snow the city shuts the fuck down and everybody huddles under their blankets with a beer in one hand and a remote in the other while the ditches outside fill up with idiots wearing confederate battle flags. This is what is supposed to happen. This is what keeps people safe and the situation sane. Nobody expects you to drive in the snow, so stay the fuck home.
Not this fucking time. Oh, no. Noooo…
Almost everybody in the state sort of… I dunno… FORGOT what they were supposed to do! They sent their kids to school and went to work like it was any ordinary day and then have the nerve to blame the mayor/governor/Jesus when they get caught in a 17-hour traffic jam and have to spend the night in their car on the interstate.
Don’t let anybody fool you… we were warned well in advance. I looked at the weather report on Monday afternoon and saw it was 1-3 inches of snow starting Tuesday afternoon. Which, by the way, is EXACTLY what we fucking got. My reaction was along the lines of: “Fuck that noise, I’m staying my [racist description] ass at home tomorrow. These motherfuckers ain’t gonna have me trapped in here, fuck that!” The people who work in the office with me… you know, SMART people… did exactly the same thing. If you listen to the news now, though, you can only draw the conclusion that my coworkers and I were the only people in the city who saw that weather report.
No. Everybody saw it. They were just under the impression that they had their own SEPARATE weather forecast that was distinct from what everybody else got.
24 hours later people are in a panic because they can’t get home and their kids are trapped on busses. WTF? Why were they even out of the house? They didn’t close the schools? So what! Dude, if you have 24 hours notice that shit is about to go straight up Froot Loops on the roads, do you send your kids to school just because nobody thought enough to shut the school down? No! Who does that!? Atlantans do, apparently.
It’s like everybody in a 60 mile radius of Atlanta suddenly thought they lived somewhere else. No, what was really going on was people were waiting on the government to tell them to stay home, when anybody with half a brain would have made that decision on their own. But noooo, they had to be ignorant, or they were so damned self-important that they just had to go to work anyway. “The schools are open so I guess it’ll be okay!” Really, bitch? Really? You do know you still live in Atlanta, right? When has snow EVER been okay in Atlanta? Are you new to the South? Shit is gonna be bananas and you’re sending Suzie to school on a fucking bus driven by a meth addict!? How did you expect that decision to turn out okay!?
And THIS is where it gets fucked up:
The city of Atlanta was ready for that shit. Honest to God, they had snow plows out the ass and were ready to throw down. But they couldn’t. Because what they hadn’t planned for was all these assholes being too stupid to stay the fuck at home when they’ve been given 24 hours notice of the fucking End Of Days! The snow plows and trucks couldn’t fucking GO anywhere because of the traffic. Roads were literally blocked with assholes who shouldn’t have been there in the first place. Everybody left their jobs/schools at literally the Exact. Same. Time. Then the expected thing occurred: rednecks in monster trucks started their traditional ballet recital, only they’ve got a few thousand cars lined up behind them instead of just a few dozen.
Now we’re on CNN looking like a fucking bomb went off in the middle of a zombie apocalypse.
Dude, don’t get me started.
That’s the end of the original email. To this, I’ll add this special message for the mayor of the City of Atlanta… as if he’ll ever read it:
I hate politicians. Really, I do. This is one of the rare times I’ll ever defend one. The mayor (who’s name I can’t even remember, that’s how much I hate them) has been taking a lot of heat for turning Atlanta into the setting of the new Mad Max movie. He’ was even on the Today show trying not to knock Matt Lauer the fuck out for asking stupid questions.
This shit wasn’t his fault. The city had its shit together for a change. Sure, they didn’t close/cancel some shit that should have been closed/canceled, but none of that should have mattered. As politicians, the mayor and governor can’t come out and say the REAL reason this shit turned into a SyFy Saturday Disaster Movie. Neither can the media, for pretty much the same reason. But I’m not a politician, so here it is:
YOU bastards. The people. The “victims” of the storm. YOU did this. If you self-important nimrods had read the same weather report that I did and made some rational decisions, NONE of this would have happened. You knew this shit was coming and, en masse, you ALL acted like it didn’t fucking apply to you. Every single one of you was waiting on some politician, bureaucrat, or media personality to tell you what was safe or unsafe. What happened to keeping yourself informed and making decisions… decisions of potential LIFE or DEATH importance… on your own!? Oh, I guess that’s gone out of style these days. Then you have the nerve to be on the news crying icicles because your kids can’t get home? I really feel sorry for the kids, but YOU did that to them. Not the major. Do better next time.
Learn to read a goddam weather report, and remember that just because YOU might know how to drive in the snow, you live in fucking Atlanta where NOBODY ELSE does. The determining factor of whether your child goes to school or not is NOT whether the school is open or closed. It’s whether you… the goddamn PARENT… think it is safe. Ditto for whether you need to risk your life to get to a job or not. If you have no choice, then fine… but there were a lot of people clogging those roads who had a goddamn choice. They just chose poorly.
That’s what the mayor can’t say.
PS. Dear SyFy Channel. When you make your inevitable “Polar Vortex” movie, I will be sorely disappointed if it is not set in Atlanta. Hell, I’ll even write that shit for you for free. Mine will have ice-tentacles in it, though. So if you’re cool with that give me a holler.
Clearly not much writing has been going on lately, and I figure I owe the fans an explanation. In truth, it would be several explanations, since, once again, the world is conspiring to keep me and the keyboard separated. I’m normally a private person, and aside from severe events, I’m usually vague about what goes on in my household. I’m not about to change that now. But… as I said… an explanation is in order.
First there was the flu. I had it. I wasn’t sick very long, but for about three days I was about one degree away from a hospital visit. I got better. And THEN my wife got sick. Same flu, but it affected her almost the inverse of the way it did me. She wasn’t nearly as sick as I was, but she’s been fighting this thing for weeks. She left the house for the first time in about three weeks yesterday.
So in the midst of all that, we’ve had a few things happen that I’m not going into details about, but they are of a financial and legal nature. I’m talking SEVERAL things, ALL of which are independent of one another. One of them is tax related. I’m not being audited, but I’m going to pay a LOT more in taxes than I planned for. And that’s just one of the things that’s going on. When it rains, it pours.
Anyway, the bottom line is that I need money. I already have two jobs, and the second one allows me some degree of flexibility as to my hours. I can’t exactly work as much as I want, but if I want to work a little more, I usually can. So that’s what I’m doing. Unexpected financial obligations have made it almost irresponsible of me to spend time writing that I could spend making an extra twenty bucks. And when I can’t make that extra twenty bucks, there’s still the matter of me having to take care of a sick wife and being generally too tired to do much besides surf the internet.
How long do I expect this state of affairs to last? A long time. But I do expect to do SOME writing in the next week or two, once my wife gets a bit better. Will I be back on the normal schedule? Probably not. Chapters will probably appear at random for the first half of the year, until finances settle.
So there. Situation explained without spewing my personal business all over the internet. Oh look… it’s time for a nap.
Normally I don’t post personal stuff on here, but I figure I owe you guys an explanation for what may turn into a couple more weeks on hiatus. My father’s mother died quite recently, and despite not being all that close to her, there is still the usual drama that goes along with such events. I’m not fishing for sympathy (like I said, not all that close), I’m just trying not be the OLD Dark Icon that says “hey, let’s just disappear for a month and not tell anybody”. I’m also dealing with some job stuff (good stuff) that’s not mixing well with the funeral stuff as far as having free time and energy. I’m still alive, and I’ll get back to business when I can.
Just to get it off my chest, here’s a list of shit that has broken in the past two months:
1) The air conditioner.
2) My wife’s car
3) My wife’s computer
4) My wife’s phone
5) MY phone
6) The toilet!?!
7) My car.
8) My faith that this is a fair and just world.
Bitter? What do you think.
For those of you who know what part of the country I call home, we made it through last night’s weather unscathed. Things got seriously wrecked a few miles south of where I live, but it was mostly a non-issue around my neighborhood. There were only a few fatalities in Georgia (so far), but Alabama lost well over a hundred people.
It’s probably too soon for that joke about how the tornado knocked the wheels off of the governor’s mansion… maybe in a few days.
It was brought to my attention that I seemed to have disappeared yet again. Sorry about that. I’ll make a longer post a bit later; I just wanted to let everybody know that I haven’t died or been kidnapped by aliens. Or both.
It looks like we’ll all be waiting a little while longer for the final pages of “In Deed”. I didn’t get nearly as much writing done over the long weekend as I had planned. As it turns out, I’m extremely glad I didn’t. My computer died on Sunday. And since what I had written so far hadn’t yet been transferred to backup, everything I had put down so far died with the computer. No problems, though… I just plugged in the backup computer, re-installed all my software and-
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